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  Better Than You Think You Are by Ardeth G Kapp
  Better Than You Think You Are by Ardeth G Kapp
 
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When we feel the need for encouragement, when we wonder about our worth or our ability, we need a little reassuring note or whisper in the ear, "You are better than you think you are." This book offers that needed boost, acknowledging that we all face weighty responsibilities that seem overwhelming at times. We all have doubts and fears. Drawing on Christ's love for us, we can remove the dark clouds that challenge our confidence, even in adversity. Writes bestselling author Ardeth Kapp, "With the Lord's help we are always far, far better than we can be by ourselves."

Published: April 2005
Pages: 160

Hardcover
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The following interview "Everyday Lives, Everyday Values Interview with Ardeth G. Kapp, author of Better Than You Think You Are" originally aired on KSL Radio on May 1, 2005:

Host: Doug Wright

Doug: Today on the program we welcome a good friend back to the program. Ardeth G. Kapp will be our quest. We're going to discuss a brand new book, Better Than You Think You Are. We've had Sister Kapp here in studio with us before, but more recently while out on the mission we have had you on the phone line. It's great to have you back in person.

Sister Kapp: Nice to be back.

Doug: Before we talk about the new book, Better Than You Think You Are, let's bring everybody up to speed. How long have you been home from the mission?

Sister Kapp: A year ago in November, so it's been about a year and a half.

Doug: This was a temple mission.

Sister Kapp: Yes.

Doug: Tell us a little bit about it.

Sister Kapp: Well, the interesting thing, for me particularly, aside from the fact that being at the temple is the most coveted calling you could have in the Church, but I was going back home. My grandfather had broken the sod for that temple, so to go back and work with cousins and relatives and friends, it was a special occasion. Wonderful.

Doug: Yeah. You mentioned what a coveted position that is within the Church, and that certainly is understandable. What are some of the responsibilities for the entire family? For, certainly, your husband as the temple president, for yourself as matron of the temple, that is just such an--while it's wonderful--it's such an awesome responsibility.

Sister Kapp: It is. It's an awesome responsibility, but keep in mind that those people who come into the temple that you're working with everyday are a select group of people that have chosen to be there. And by their commitment and dedication to the values that we share you feel like you're in the midst of special friends and acquaintances. Even though you haven't known them before, you know their values. And it's just a wonderful experience.

Doug: Now, honestly, how hard is it to let go of that?

Sister Kapp: You know, it is difficult.

Doug: Yeah.

Sister Kapp: It is difficult. It was difficult when we left the mission field. We didn't want to leave our missionaries. Anytime that you're committed and really invested, you're not released and turn your back and not look back. Something stays with you, but something stays behind, too.

Doug: Do you have one particular--and I'm sure there were many special events and special things that occurred while you were up there, but any story you could share with us from that experience?

Sister Kapp: Well I remember one particular incident that was pretty tender to me. It was surprising to me that it seemed like you just happened to be where you were supposed to be without any explanation, but I don't think it was a coincidence. But I remember one time leaving the area of the baptismal font and there were a group of young women there, and their hair was wet so I knew that they were on their way out. I never usually stopped as they were leaving, I tried to greet them when they came.

Doug: Yeah.

Sister Kapp: But they were sitting there, and it seemed like they were waiting for something so I asked them about their trip. And they had come from British Columbia and the sacrifice that they had made, traveled in an old car that had broken down, and one of them got sick along the way, and then the top blew off their car, and story one after another after another. And when they finally got there I said, you know, "Why did you keep going?" And this leader, she says, "They were my girls, there are only four of them, but I remembered what my teacher did for me and I wanted to do the same for them."

Doug: Yeah.

Sister Kapp: And I thought how often when we do something it generates something that's passed on.

Doug: I think of how many temples are within such easy driving, even walking from where we are right here, walking distance, and I hear stories like that. And we have a new temple that will be out in Draper before all that long. I mean, there are so many, I'm surrounded by these beautiful, beautiful buildings, and when I hear a story like that I just think of the sacrifice so many people are willing to make to go to the temple.

Sister Kapp: You know, a question I like to ask sometimes is, "How far do you live from the temple?" And I think about a family in Manila that lived, well there's a temple in Manila, but they were in the Philippines, and they were saving money to get to go to the temple that would take about two years. But they were probably closer to the temple than maybe somebody that lives down the block--closer in priorities.

Doug: Right. Exactly, exactly. You know, I was just thinking, for those who perhaps haven't heard our discussions before I should tell some of our listeners a little bit more about you. Ardeth Greene Kapp served as Young Women General President in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. As we have mentioned, she has accompanied her husband, Heber, in his assignment as president of the Canada Vancouver Mission and then served as the matron of the Cardston Alberta Temple where her husband was the president. She's served on boards of several corporations, including the Deseret Book Company and Deseret News and Utah Youth Village, and it's always just such a joy to have you here. Let's talk about this book. Better Than You Think You Are, that's an intriguing title. Where did it come from?

Sister Kapp: It's been my opportunity to visit and get acquainted with a lot of women in a lot of gifted areas--good women trying to do their will. But we live in a high pressure, high-tech, high expectation world, and it sobers me when I hear so many good women trying to do so well seeming like they're not doing as well as they should or could or would if they could just have a better opportunity. And I appreciate you letting me speak to this today just before Mother's Day coming up because I think of my mom. She would always say, "I hate Mother's Day because it always reminds me of the mother that I'm not." But she never remembered the mother that she was. And my intent in writing this isn't to suggest that people don't think they're all right, but they are better than they think they are because they're not good ledger keepers.

Doug: You know, the timing is so important here because I have heard that expressed, too, from women that I just not only adore but so greatly admire. And I recognized, I see, I've witnessed their sacrifices and what great women they are, what great church members they are, what great mothers they have been--and in some cases grandmothers. But yet some women really walk away from Mother's Day feeling insecure, feeling deficient. And it's really unfortunate.

Sister Kapp: It will be my hope in this book that as they're reading it thoughts would come to their mind, maybe that aren't in the book but would generate some insight that would provide an experience that would change their way of thinking. Because if they can, they would discover--this isn't to suggest that they're really down on themselves, but I like the old English statement that says, "Oh, God, help us to hold a high opinion of ourselves."

Doug: Yeah.

Sister Kapp: Not to be arrogant or conceded, but to realize our divine destiny and our--we didn't begin here. We were the valiant and faithful, and we sometimes lose sight of that.

Doug: I love the Introduction to this book, and it's addressed to, "Dear Friend." And then you talk about how you wish you could just chat with the reader face to face, friend to friend. And you even describe some of the circumstances, I love that. You know, walking along the beach or whatever. Tell us a little bit about what you would like to chat with people about and what we have in these chapters, particularly some of our earlier chapters like the one that starts with, "We Are Not Alone."

Sister Kapp: I really wish I could sit face to face and really provide an experience that would help us realize, all of us, that we literally are not alone. We didn't come to this earth to gain our worth, we brought it with us. And while we're here we have access to resources that will come into our mind and heart of our true identity. I love the statement of the first Young Women value that says--and this is what I'd say to a sister I was talking to, I'd say, "I'm a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me, and I will have faith in his eternal plan, which centers in Jesus Christ, my Savior." And when we understand that relationship we're never alone.

Doug: Yeah.

Sister Kapp: We don't walk alone, we're not expected to walk alone. But sometimes we feel alone, not because he can't get through to us, but we can't get maybe through to him because we're so caught up in so much that the world imposes on us that we allow to be distracted by.

Doug: Right. I like the title of this chapter two, and in looking through it you describe the world we all live in today. And this chapter just caught me, "Doubt Not, Fear Not." We live in a world where there is so much doubt. Everything is questioned, doubt about that, doubt about that, and we seem to fear everything. Everything from terrorism to whether or not we're a good mother or a good father.

Sister Kapp: Right. Right.

Doug: "Doubt Not, Fear Not." Let's talk about that for a moment.

Sister Kapp: Of course we have reasons for doubts and fears, especially in a culture where we even read in the scriptures that we are to become perfect. And if that's our goal we could have doubts and fears everyday.

Doug: Yeah.

Sister Kapp: I mean we've all got evidence for doubts and fears unless we understand in a larger perspective the process for moving from where we are to where we want to be. And we don't need to doubt, we don't need to fear. Just because we fail something doesn't mean we're a failure unless we quit trying. And so my resource when I'm feeling down or when I'm wanting to talk with someone, I like to turn to the scriptures. I consider the scriptures like my, I've referred to them over and over as my letters from home.

Doug: Yeah.

Sister Kapp: Because it's like a father who understands me and knows me and believes in me, and he's saying to me, "Look unto me in every thought. Doubt not, fear not." That's where we look. Not to the world.

Doug: We will take just a brief break, and we'll come back. We'll continue talking about this lovely new book, and I want to talk a little bit about the format, too. It is so user friendly, it is just such a beautiful, beautiful book that would make an ideal addition to any library and certainly an ideal gift. Better Than You Think You Are, Ardeth G. Kapp is our guest on Everyday Lives, Everyday Values.

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Doug: We're back on Everyday Lives, Everyday Values. Sister Ardeth G. Kapp is our guest. Better Than You Think You Are is the title of the book from Deseret Book. I want to talk for just a moment a little bit about the format. This is just a, I love the cover, too.

Sister Kapp: I do, too.

Doug: It's just beautiful. It has a woman sitting at the end of a dock with one toe in the water and there's a great reflection, and it just looks like such a peaceful, tranquil place. Is that one of those places you'd like to sit and chat?

Sister Kapp: That would be an ideal place.

Doug: Yeah.

Sister Kapp: By the water, when you see a reflection and are reminded of who you truly are, you're true identity.

Doug: The book, after the Introduction that I mentioned where you really beautifully set the environment in which hopefully the book will be read, the chat friend to friend. And then it's in relatively--I don't know whether to call them essays, thoughts, how would you describe it? I love the way the book is formatted.

Sister Kapp: The intent for that was to provide an opportunity for a book that you could just pick up when you're rushed and you don't have time to read and can just read maybe one page and get a clear principle or thought that you could apply even though they're in sequence that tell a story, the segments are all self-contained.

Doug: Right.

Sister Kapp: And I think that's good in today's busy world.

Doug: Oh, absolutely.

Sister Kapp: Maybe a part of a page is all you can get.

Doug: Yeah. I think that's one of the reasons that I like this one so much. It's on page 77 and it's "Cherish the Time." And underneath it says, "Have you stopped long enough today to catch your breath and awaken your senses to the beauties of this season?" And I even take that a little bit above and beyond. Sometimes I find in my hectic life and with some of the things, sometimes you're given an assignment that you're almost dreading, and sometimes you have a concern about a child, and I find myself with time going so fast. And then within that dynamic I find myself almost wishing it away, you know, "If I could just get through the end of the week. If we could get my son to this point." Or, "If we can just get to this." I hate that. You know, the older I get the faster time--I used to hear my grandparents and my mother say that, and I used to go, "Oh, yeah right." But it is going so fast, and to really savor and cherish the time, any hints for that?

Sister Kapp: That chapter was written partly for me because of an experience that I had that I wanted to share because if we can have an experience that changes our perception we look at things differently.

Doug: Yeah.

Sister Kapp: And I was teaching the fourth grade, and it was the springtime of the year, and I was anxious before the end of the school year that they would learn everything they were supposed to. And they were working so diligently and hard, and it just dawned on me, "What is the most important thing to be learning right now? Is it arithmetic and all of that?" And I just had an overwhelming feeling that they needed a different perspective. So I just went to the chalkboard, erased it from the board, all of their assignments, and looked up, and I just said, "Would everyone put their pencils down? Put your books away. We're going to go out to celebrate spring." And I said, "While we're out there, don't talk. It's not recess. Then come in and write down what you felt." And the experiences that they had I think in some cases were life changing. A little girl that had severe problems, and I could go on and on about why she felt so down on herself, but when she came back and wrote on her paper with smudge marks that she'd erased and motioned for me to come and see it. And I knelt down beside her, eye to eye, and she held it up and said, "I never knowed the world looked so good."

Doug: Oh, wow.

Sister Kapp: And I wondered how many times we need to erase the board and go out and ponder and listen to the Spirit that whispers to you, "Step out of the world and you'll discover that `I never knowed the world looked so good' either."

Doug: Yeah. As you just described that scenario I flashed back to my fourth grade. And I had two extremely, just golden teachers in fourth and fifth grade. I was blessed with a lot of great teachers. But we had some experiences like that, and I don't think it happens enough to our kids now. I can remember one of my teachers--this was in the fifth grade--who walked us around the neighborhood, and we just looked at the trees and we collected the leaves and we came back and tried to identify them. And I remember--but in the process you're looking things up, you're learning how to pronounce, you're learning how to even do the math, and what an amazing experience. "I never knowed the world looked so good."

Sister Kapp: Yeah.

Doug: Wow.

Sister Kapp: I think we need to do it in our families. I think we need to--I think I said in the book that I was raised in a little town of two hundred and fifty people, and we had a train that came. And you'd hear the whistle and there was a big sign that said, "Stop. Look. Listen."

Doug: Yeah.

Sister Kapp: And I think maybe we need to have that in our lives frequently, otherwise we can get discouraged and be so busily engaged--I've always said that I believe the adversary would like to keep us busily engaged in a multitude of even good things if we could be distracted from the few things that make all the difference.

Doug: Yeah. No kidding. I want to fast forward to the end of the book.

Sister Kapp: Mm-hmm.

Doug: Unfortunately we're not going to have a chance to discuss every chapter--I wish we could, though, because they're all just terrific. But at the end of the book, I love this one, "Pray for a Strong Back." And then over here we have, "Arise and Shine Forth." Let's talk about that strong back for just a moment.

Sister Kapp: It takes a lot of opposition in order for us to grow. I learned that when my dad took me to the river to learn to swim. He taught me to swim upstream, and the water seemed always cold, and it was always swift. But he was always swimming with me saying, "You can do it. You can do it." And it was amazing, by the end of the summer I could swim upstream, but the water had receded and it was even warmer. But had I not had the experience of having to swim upstream I wouldn't have been as strong.

Doug: Yeah.

Sister Kapp: I think of one of our sister missionaries, when she was leaving to go home, she said, "I am grateful for every hard day." And then she said, "And every day was hard."

Doug: Yeah.

Sister Kapp: And then in soberness she says, "I wouldn't be who I am today if I hadn't grown from the adversities and the challenges." And that's life.

Doug: It is.

Sister Kapp: The purpose.

Doug: I try to remind myself when I've been asked to do something difficult or I know that I'm tackling something difficult just how good I'm going to feel the day it's completed.

Sister Kapp: That's right.

Doug: Or once it's done.

Sister Kapp: That's right.

Doug: You know, whether it's an assignment in church or an assignment at work or just something I want to accomplish. You look at it and you worry about it, you fret over it, you even agonize over it sometimes, but it always feels good the day after.

Sister Kapp: Mm-hmm.

Doug: And you're glad you did it.

Sister Kapp: Exactly. And you know, I like the statement from President Hinckley where he's talking to the women of the Church and he says, after he commends them, which he always does, and then says, "You can do better than you're doing." I don't think he's trying to discourage us or put the pressure on. I think he's saying, "Discover who you really are because you have the capacity that you're not yet aware of, and it will be unleashed as soon as you're willing to go forward."

Doug: Yeah.

Sister Kapp: When you realize that you're better than you think you are, you will unleash resources that are locked in.

Doug: That leads us to this tail-end chapter, at least one of them, "Arise and Shine Forth." Is that pretty much the idea? That even though you maybe have attained a certain level, and maybe even--and unfortunately I don't think we feel this enough--maybe even a degree of satisfaction, that there's always more that we can do.

Sister Kapp: There is. And you can always arise and shine forth and be a standard for the nations, it says. In our world today we need standard bearers. We need those that are willing to stand up and defend values that are universal for all of us. I don't think it's to discourage us, I think it's to encourage us with the idea that when we--I like the scripture where it says, "All hath not every gift but everyone has a gift." So don't compare your gift to someone else's because it isn't to be compared. You just plow your plot of ground given to till.

Doug: Just a final thought for our listeners right now and perhaps people who will pick up this book, what do you hope they'll find? How do you hope they'll use it?

Sister Kapp: I hope they'll find little places in it where they'll mark it and say, "That speaks to me personally." I don't think just reading a book, however great the author is, is what changes a life, it's when you read something that triggers an insight to you. I think I said in the Introduction, "I would hope that the Spirit would translate some of these messages so that it personalizes it for your situation." Because it's the Spirit that will enlighten us with an experience where we will all say, "Hmm, I never knowed the world looked so good."

Doug: Absolutely. Sister Kapp, it's always such a great pleasure to have you with us. I hope you'll come back soon. Are you working on another project that we might share and enjoy with you?

Sister Kapp: Well, I guess I've always got something covered under fire, but I don't like to commit it until I see if it's going to ripen.

Doug: If it's going to gel.

Sister Kapp: Yeah. Right.

Doug: Again, thank you so much for sharing this time with us. The title of the book is Better Than You Think You Are. Ardeth G. Kapp has been our guest on Everyday Lives, Everyday Values.
 



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